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Kaleidoscoping Blanket of Heart Energy

I wrote this mindfulness exercise to help you transform BullShit Belief Systems and the corresponding thoughts, feelings, patterns, habits and behaviors. Much of my personal healing has been based on self care. I chose my career because I want to help others do what I have done, to learn ways to approach self care and self healing. One of my most important purposes in this life is to help empower you to do as much as possible for yourself within your healing journey. Having said that, I have always had a reliable connection with both a Therapist and Hypnotherapist available for support when needed. It's important to recognize the value of having someone's help. Please either have an established relationship with a Therapist before beginning self healing work, or be willing contact one.

Written In Honor of Equal Rights and Juneteenth

Believe it or not, not everything you believe is true. Many beliefs are formed with a lack of experience and limited information. Some are formed based on the beliefs of parents, other authority figures, role models or friends, to fit in, to be accepted or simply to survive. Most beliefs are formed at a very young age, and lack context. Some beliefs are true or at least beneficial, others are false and can be harmful. I like to call harmful false beliefs,bullshit belief systems or BSBS.


When I was a child I learned to believe that my ears were too big and that I should stuff my tears away.

Those beliefs caused me harm and were not true, they were bullshit belief systems. Similarly I learned that I was in some way superior because I am white. I discovered this false belief or BSBS, one day in 6th grade while playing with a friend on the playground. The friend I was playing with is a black girl,

I was very good friends with her brother and I had a crush on him.

She and I were talking and she asked me “do you like my brother”? Blushing ferociously, feeling embarrassed I said as if on autopilot “I guess he’s okay for a black guy”. My words shocked me and I immediately apologized, saying “I’m not sure why I said that, I’m so sorry”. She replied sweetly “oh it’s okay I understand”. I was not okay with it, neither of us really was and I felt wrong. Being someone who has always answered “the rainbow!” whenever asked, “what’s your favorite color?” I felt even more embarrassed, ashamed of myself, and truly madly deeply confused, as I realized that a part of me felt it was somehow wrong or unacceptable for me to "like” a black person. I knew that my dad and stepdad were racists and wouldn’t approve, but I never thought of myself that way, until that day. I realized then, that a bullshit belief system had been imposed on me and it felt like a violation of my basic love of all colors and of all people. I was angry that I had accepted the program but also thankful I had noticed it and could choose to reject it.

I am very grateful that I became aware of that BSBS so early in my life and was able to flush it away. I have also since become comfortable with my ears and I learned how to let go and have a good cry. I’ve had many good cries due to awareness of the inequalities in this world and feeling hopeless. Being aware can be very uncomfortable sometimes and awareness is an integral and necessary step in making change happen.


I have succeeded in pinpointing many of my false beliefs about the world, my environment and myself and updated the resulting subconscious programs, replacing the lies with the truth and hopelessness with hopefulness and you can do it too. The truth is, you can rewire your brain because you choose to. You are empowered to make updates or replace any outdated programs and correct programming errors, because you have learned more, experienced more, and can now achieve better understandings from within.

Delve within yourself and discover if there are any parts of you that need an update. We all need to update our subconscious software programs sometimes. Instead of allowing outdated belief systems, systems that may have been imposed on you, to run you, learn how to run an update for your systems of belief and change the way you feel from within. The past cannot be changed however, feelings resulting from past events can shift and negative charges can transform into positive ones. This exercise, may help you to realize the gains and achieve the benefits from the experiences you have had both positive and negative.


You can record yourself s-l-o-w-l-y reading the following mindfulness exercise making key words l-o-n-g and

d-r-a-w-n out, pausing after each exercise giving yourself time to imagine before reading the next suggestion, and play it back to yourself. Sit or lie down in a comfortable, safe place with your eyes closed while you listen and follow along. Or simply read it slowly while you follow along and imagine.… If you are reading and following along in your imagination, enhance the experience by closing your eyes occasionally after reading each segment, exercise, or suggestion.



Settle into a comfortable safe space, close your eyes (or imagine closing your eyes) and take some deep breaths.

Open your eyes again, roll your eyes up into the back of your head then close your eye lids d-o-w-n while keeping your eyes rolled upward. Feeling the fluttering in your eyes, allowing your eyes to remain gently closed, notice your breathing again. Focus on long exhales pausing at the bottom of each exhale for a moment then inhale deeply and exhale d-e-e-p-l-y again. Continue breathing in and out p-a-u-s-i-n-g at the bottom of each out breath, breathing in and out, letting go completely with each breath out.

Heart rate and blood pressure lower with the exhale, so completely exhale and feel the calmness settle in within your comfortable space within.
F-e-e-l-i-n-g your breath m-o-v-i-n-g in, moving out, f-l-o-w-i-n-g, comforting breath.
And imagine your favorite place now
remember what it f-e-e-l-s like to be there, imagine being there now. Re-imagine how it feels to be in your favorite place. Use a-l-l of your senses to re-experience it thoroughly. Enjoy being in your favorite place.


Take a d-e-e-p breath and exhale completely f-e-e-l-i-n-g completely immersed in those wonderful feelings.

B-r-e-a-t-h-ing    c-a-l-m-l-y and f-r-e-e-i-n-g-l-y, bring your focus to your heart center,
imagine a kaleidoscope of colorful lights, a kaleidoscope of colorful lights, radiating from your heart and encompassing you and the area a-l-l around you.
Imaging the beautiful lights reaching d-e-e-p-l-y within you, and from within you, r-e-a-c-h-i-n-g outward.


Share your beautiful light with the world around you, letting it g-r-o-w and expand


Now from within your favorite place and within this kaleidoscope of colorful healing light, return your focus to your heart center.
Remember a time in your life when you felt the most loved or felt the most loving or both and re-experience those feelings now.


Take a deep breath. b-r-e-a-t-h-i-n-g into your heart center, F-e-e--l-i-n-g d-e-e-ply
loved, feeling deeply loving. encourage these feelings to f-l-o-w and connect with every part of you, imagine encompassing yourself in a blanket made of love, a blanket made of kaleidoscoping heart centered energy.


Encompassed in a blanket made of love, becoming aware if there are any parts of you that need extra love and offer those parts a place to rest.


Take a d-e-e-p r-e-l-a-x-ing    breath
Now, scan for any areas of discomfort while letting your relaxed eyes remain g-e-n-t-ly closed and moving them upward and scanning from left to right, right to left and up and down, down and up and all around. Continuing scanning with your relaxed closed eyes right to left, left to right, up and down, down and up,


and focus the kaleidoscoping lights of love on those areas needing soothing, while
scanning with your eyes gently closed, scanning left to right up and down and down and up and all around.
Take another deep breath focusing on a l-o-n-g Exhale, recognizing you are strong and resilient, thank your body for being a friend and shouldering burdens and carrying you through it all, becoming more and more aware of what you can shift or change and soothing and transforming those areas of discomfort into areas comforted by the kaleidoscope blanket of loving compassionate, light-centered, heart energy.


Take another deep breath, b-r-e-a-t-h-i-n-g into your heart center, F-e--e-l-ing

d-e-e-ply, feeling deeply loved, feeling d-e-e-p-l-y loving. E-n-c-o-u-r-a-g-i-n-g

loving feelings to reach, greet, and soothe every part of you.

Now, Feeling deeply loved, feeling deeply loving
Imagine your dream self, your ideal self is there with you in your favorite place,
encompassed within the kaleidoscope of healing lights. This ideal self is the part of you who has become wise though the ages and has valuable insights to share with you.

This part of you has gathered vast amounts of information since beliefs were put in place and habits and patterns were formed. Your wise-self has the clarity that comes from being the observer part of you, this is your higher self, the spiritual aspect of you.

Your dream self feels the way you feel when you feel like your best, when you are the most loved and the most loving version of you. Spend some time coming to understand who you truly are

e-x-p-l-o-r-i-n-g with your wise, original self and discover how you can realistically achieve whatever your wise, dream self wants for you, be playful, discover your wise self for yourself.
Ask questions of your dream self, higher self, wiser self, spiritual aspect. Ask your higher self to bring into your awareness, a belief systems or habit or pattern of thought, feeling or behavior that has been imposed on you, or had negative affects and effects in your life. Something that when altered could have an exponentially positive affect on your health or wellbeing.

Inquire if there are any systems needing to be updated with the information you have gathered. Ask deep specific questions of your higher self now. Perhaps asking about how the specific habit, pattern or belief has been harmful and how it has been constructive?


Your higher self understands that when beliefs and their corresponding thoughts, feelings and behaviors formed, they may have been based on mirroring of an authority figure, misunderstandings, misperceptions, or limited experiences.


Your higher self loves, understands and accepts you.

What is the good intention fueling the expression of the habit or belief or behavior?

What is the original good intention at the foundation of this belief, thought, feeling, behavior or habit?

Allow your gently closed eyes to scan again and again, up and down and all
around while noticing your breath flowing in and out. Taking deep releasing breaths.


Ask your higher self, your wise self to re-educate you, to help you creatively let go of what no longer serves you and to re-invent or establish aspects of yourself based on a foundation of love.
Ask your wise self, what you can do, think, believe or feel instead? What can you do, think, feel or believe differently that also accomplishes the original positive intention?
If anything you have been doing, thinking, feeling or believing has had negative affects or effects, ask what you can shift, change, alter or delete to accomplish only positive affects and effects from your good intentions.


and receive the answers,  gain the insights, realize the benefits of the experiences you have had.

Now that you have been blessed with these valuable insights and you are in touch with the wise, spiritual aspect of self, update or reeducate your systems, with the vast information, understanding, and wisdom you have gathered.

In whatever creative playful way inspires you, Imagine integrating with your higher self, while you b-r-e-a-t-h-e, f-l-o-w-i-n-g-l-y and f-r-e-e-i-n-g-l-y


Realizing that you are the
light of love, notice love a-l-l around you.
You S-h-i-n-e and choose to shine your brightest most brilliant light from your heart and soul to the hearts and souls of everyone you encounter, imagine doing that now, as you realize who you truly are, the original self


And you are love and you are loved.

And as you become ready to gently open your eyes, imagine a rainbow above your head and open your eyes, feeling brilliant because you are!

Stephanie Carper-Smith 

RnR Within

Pain without suffering

There is space inside of pain

and time is different there.

An entire lifetime of pain can be felt in an instant and inside an instant is an infinite space


A space where time speeds up, slows down, stops, moves in multiple directions and builds dimensions.


Inside pain is a path that leads to reasons revealing resources

and understandings 


There is a place that exists without the suffering.

where the pain of the pain stops

and although the feeling that makes the pain may be there, it's a curious space

thick and full of information

full of stories

full of meaning

buzzing with an intensity that wants to be noticed and deserves to be soothed


Pain is something to behold not to be held onto

it is to be noticed with a curiosity

a curiosity that wants to understand

that wants to be experienced

desires to learn and express pathways for connection and creation


 There is pain without fear or urgency

Pain in the absence of painfulness


This pain that isn't hurting or hurtful

feels strange and deep

and it beckons to be explored deep within


    You are brave enough to explore this strange pain without suffering

It is full of scary things that do not scare you and instead inspire a desire within your heart to find and claim all that you have to share because you are now aware


You are aware now, that Without suffering there is wisdom, and depth within pain

a warmth and a coldness

Neither are scorching

They are refreshing and informing


A burning pain, when healed of suffering

can feel like a comforting buzzing

emanating warmth and wisdom from deep within


The cold without its sting is refreshing like an insight that feels like a fluttering kiss of butterfly wings.


  Similar things can be felt from joy

unbridled an instant of it can fill a void

and loneliness becomes healed by connection to self


Even if you forget to remember these things

the understandings shine from within


You are mapping all paths

in all directions

and in every dimension


And because pain is no longer hurtful no longer harmful,

and is instead comforted


Time feels like it stops while it continues

and shrinks as it stretches out before you

you notice its curves

and its edges

it’s stories are wisdom shared from all the ages, from all the parts and places and inward spaces


The stories transform you and you feel enlightened by the blessing of life


Given time, stories are gifted and received with love

and accepted by all as their own


It has been foretold that we are one

And you feel this truth


your Spirit sings

and you understand the meaning and tap into the wisdom

in the songs of mourning and joy


Time is a Space where tears fill rivers joyfully

and all bathe in all feelings as one

in attunement with the hearts songs


Your  breath now flows connected to the deep stream of the source

 realigned with your wise spirit

 Responding, resonating, rejuvenating and reinventing yourself from within


Stephanie Carper-Smith 

RnR Within


Transforming with a Grateful Heart

                                                           All of your experiences

have become parts of you 

You discover how to gain access

to the weathered wealth within you

The wealth of wisdom and understandings

gained from your many existences

and interactions 

Nothing is lost

even if not remembered

All is felt and findable and forgivable

and the pieces of your puzzle are assembling 

Everything you have experienced

are parts of the kaleidoscope of your being

 waiting to be appreciated from another perspective

So you bravely explore the depths of your subconscious 

to discover what you need to change, lovingly

to release what no longer serves you, freeingly

to relearn ways of feeling

and expressing,


You discover your perceptions


leading you to transform from within with wisdom

and compassion

You lay claim to every resource

and the best ones you have are

within you

you are always becoming who

you want to be

seeking and assimilating parts

and transforming

with a grateful heart


Stephanie Carper-Smith 

RnR Within

What If


What if you turned into someone filled with joy and love and their expressions?

What if you turned into someone whose sorrows, once felt and even when deep, were swept away?

-swept away on the current of Love and soothed in it’s embrace


What if you could be someone whose tears sprouted mostly from untamed joy?


love filling the heart with curiosity instead of fear, and fear no longer being a door stop, turns into excitement instead and is used for inspiration to explore


Take some time to ponder how you prefer to feel. Perhaps, filled with joy and love and their expressions.

Remembering times you have felt joyful, creative, inspired, excited


What if you could easily shift into feelings of joy, recognizing the source of joy is always within you.


How would your being different, filled above all with joy and love and their expressions

-how would your being different create a difference in your world and your environment?


How would your interactions change if your feelings were as you can imagine them becoming?


How would others feel after interacting with you?


I Imagine they would become different too, for having been exposed to and experienced more joy in your presence, for having received more love


Maybe they would be inspired, sing fewer sad songs

and be inspired and filled with joy and love and their expressions too


If your Intentions are no longer displaced and flow from a place inside which you create

-where you can change what needs to be changed and learn do and feel what's best for you


If you learn to express yourself from the divine place you come from and transform from within, inspired and informed by where you have been, what would the difference be within you and around you?


You can magically discover the difference now. The laughter is there the love exists and permeates when you let it, notice it now.


Stephanie Carper-Smith 

RnR Within





                  RnR Within

You know far more than you know that you know. Enjoy discovering the wonderful range of your own knowledge. 

-Marlene E. Hunter, M.D.

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